How Did I Deserve You? A Story About the Dog Who Kept Me Here

Every evening, the same thing happens.

I sit down on the sofa, and before I can even pull the blanket over my knees, Tobby is already there. He climbs into my lap, all of him, as if he were still the small puppy he once was. He is far too big for this. My legs go numb. I can barely breathe. And I would not move him for anything in the world.

Because in those moments I always ask myself the same question: how did I deserve this creature?

I don't have an answer. Maybe in some previous life I was a very good person, and Tobby is my prize. Maybe it is simply luck. But I know that of all the people in the world, this pure, gentle soul chose me to be his mom. And I still can't quite believe it.

With Tobby, you don't have to pretend.

Think about how rare that is. With people, we are always a little careful. We smile when we don't feel like it. We say “fine.” We hold our faces together so no one feels uncomfortable. Tobby asks for none of that. He doesn't care if I'm tired, or sad, or not very successful today. He doesn't love me for being strong, or useful, or good. He just loves me. With no limits. With no terms. Completely.

And he is honest in a way only a dog can be. If he is happy, his whole body says so. If he misses you, he waits by the door. There is no game, no hidden meaning, no doubt. After years of doubting everything, I can't tell you how much that means.

Tobby came into our home unexpectedly, without any planning at all. At the time, it seemed like a sudden, almost accidental decision. Now I think the universe knew something I didn't. It sent me my strength before the storm began, so that when it came, I would have something to hold on to.

Because the storm did come. There was a time when I was very far away. A time of nights I didn't want to end, and mornings I didn't want to begin. No one could reach me then. Not words, not advice, not even the people who loved me most.

Tobby did.

He didn't try to fix anything. He just kept coming. Every morning he needed his walk, so I got up. Every evening he climbed into my lap, so I had something warm to hold on to. Day after day, without knowing it, he kept me here. He brought me back to life, one ordinary moment at a time.

I still ask the question. How did I deserve him? Maybe I didn't. Maybe love like his isn't something you deserve. Maybe it's simply something you are given, and the only thing you can do is say thank you, every single evening, with a very heavy dog on your lap.

What has kept you here on the hardest days? It can be something very small.

If you'd like to get to know Tobby better, the gentleman, the roast chicken, the apple lover, he is waiting for you in Tobby's Corner.

Would you like to share your answer?

I read every answer myself. It stays private unless you say otherwise.

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please reach out to local emergency services or a crisis line in your country right now. You deserve immediate support.

With love, from HerWay

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