The Laugh I Do for Others: Smiling So No One Feels Uncomfortable

I laugh more than I feel like laughing.

Someone makes a joke, and I laugh. Someone tells a story, and I smile in the right places. Someone asks how I am, and I find something light to say, because I can see in their eyes that they need it to be light.

I don't laugh because something is funny. I laugh so that no one has to feel uncomfortable around my sadness.

I have been holding my own face up for other people.

I learned this long ago. Be easy. Be pleasant. Don't be a burden. Make sure everyone else is all right first. It worked for years. It still works. People leave our conversations feeling fine.

And I go home empty.

Not long ago I spent an evening with a very dear friend. Someone I love, someone safe. And afterwards I felt as if I had been drained of everything. It wasn't her. It was me, doing all that quiet work at once: listening, nodding, smiling, holding back the tears so they wouldn't spoil the evening.

That kind of laughter costs more than crying.

I'm not going to stop all at once. I don't think I could. But I am trying to notice it. To catch the moment when the laugh starts and ask myself, quietly: is this mine, or is it for them?

Sometimes I let a silence be a silence. Sometimes I say “I'm tired today” and nothing more. The world doesn't end. Most people don't even notice.

But I do.

Do you laugh for others too? You don't have to stop. You can just tell me, here, where no one needs you to be fine.

Would you like to share your answer?

I read every answer myself. It stays private unless you say otherwise.

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please reach out to local emergency services or a crisis line in your country right now. You deserve immediate support.

With love, from HerWay

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